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| For those of us married guys who need a few brownie points to get us out of the house and onto the lake, the following list might assist (all in good fun, of course!):
GUIDE TO UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing
with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just
how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make
the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she
dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing
something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Following is
the official guide to the points system:
SIMPLE DUTIES:
You make the bed............................................................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows....0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets....................-1
You leave the toilet seat up................................................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty..................0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom........-2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings......+5
in the snow....................................+8
but return with beer..........................-5
and no liners.................................-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night...........................0
it is nothing...................................0
it is something.............................+5
you pummel it with a six iron...... +10
it's her cat..................................-40
AT THE PARTY:
You stay by her side the entire party.................................0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to
chat with a college drinking buddy..................................-2
Named Tiffany.................................-4
Tiffany is a dancer........................ -10
With breast implants.................... -18
HER BIRTHDAY:
You remember her birthday...............................................0
You buy a card and flowers...............................................0
You take her out to dinner................................................0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar...........+1
Okay, it is a sports bar.........................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night..................................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face
is painted the colors of your favorite team.......................-10
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS:
Go with a
pal...................................................................0
The pal is happily married...............................................+1
The pal is
single..............................................................-7
He drives a Ferrari.......................................................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED).............. -15
A NIGHT OUT WITH HER:
You take her to a movie.................................................+2
You take her to a movie she likes....................................+4
You take her to a movie you hate....................................+6
You take her to a movie you like......................................-2
It's called Death Cop III...................................................-3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans.......................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.......-15
YOUR PHYSIQUE:
You develop a noticeable pot belly..................................-15
& exercise to get rid of it......................................+10
& resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts...-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."..............-800
THE BIG QUESTION:
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding.............................................-10
You reply, "Where?"......................................................-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your ass"...............................-100
Any other response........................................................-20
COMMUNICATION:
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression...................0
You listen, for over 30 minutes........................................+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience..+50
Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her
saying "well, what do you think I should do?"....................-50
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at theTV....+100
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep...........-200
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| That was hilarious! I couldn't stop laughing. My favorite was the license plate that said: GR8 N BED. LOL
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| If I add it up right... I am -815 this week alone.
Does it matter if you inported your wife from rural Wisconsin where all this is accepted as a part of life.[:bigsmile:] |
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| The longer you are togather the less the points count. I think they just give up trying to change you [:bigsmile:] |
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| How many points will I lose if I show her this thread and say I think it's funny? |
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| ...probably just the point between your legs! m |
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| 0 was the best I could have done on any given day when I was married. [:((] |
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| Saying as the only one I have to answer to is myself. I would say I scored pretty good. God I need a life.[:0]
Later
Jim |
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| OK!!! Very very funny..along the same lines...
How to make your lady happy/perfect evening
1) Take her to dinner, a nice one
2) Draw her a bath, oils, candles, wine on the bathside
3) Dry her, massage her entire person with lavender oils and olive oils
4) Bring her to the fireside, comfort her on big, soft pillows
5) bring her an ice cream dessert, and a dozen roses
6) Lavish her with praise, softly and gently
7) Gently carry her to a scented bed, you know the rest
How a woman can make a man happy/perfect evening
1)Show up naked.
2)Bring beer.[:bigsmile:] |
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| Mikie,funny!
Little story for ya.
Got back sunday night,monday morning woke up,rolled over and patted her on the behind and said I guess I have to go home now....
She said YOU ARE AT HOME![:0]
How many points do you think that cost me?
Dude you would still be shoveling out of that one[:bigsmile:] [:bigsmile:]
Keep em coming
marc
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| To make up....
Go on a shopping spree to Victoria Sectets! |
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| Marc - you have a death wish, dude! m |
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| LOL MIKIE!!! I tried the Victoria Secret thing....after donning the apparel she lookd like a trapeze artist...I'd better stick to Speigels.....[:(] [:sun:] |
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| SHHHHHHHH! My wife things the only place she can buy such things is Sears Roebucks. m |
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