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| KSauers - 5/9/2014 9:02 AM
Been married for 25 years. One child out on her own and the other goes to Point. Recently retired after 40 years on the work force. Now the wife says not one penny of retirement savings will be used for fishing. Someone mentioned a counselor,his idea was ,sell my boat,take a quarter of the procedes,take one last fishing trip and then NEVER FISH AGAIN. Great advice. The wife expects me to just easily giv e up something I've done my entire lfe because neither her or the counselor have a clue. Fishing or any other outdoor activity means nothing to them
Who picked the counselor? How did the counselor come up with one quarter of the procedes for a fishing trip and what happens to the other three quarters? I wish you well. That's a tough pill to swallow. |
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Posts: 267
| For me its God, family, work, hobbies. That's my order. If you are thinking about getting married and aren't willing to compromise on fishing time, then don't get married. It's not fair to her, your future kids, or even yourself. IMO, if muskies are that important to you, you've got issues. It's a stinkin' fish for crying out loud. I was like one of the previous posters. I fished a ton early in my life before I was married. When I got married I fished a bit less. Now I have three boys and I fish even less. I'm at baseball and hockey constantly. I miss fishing a lot, but I wouldn't trade the experiences with my family for more fishing. What for, another picture? Bragging rights? Pride? A sparkly boat with high horsepower? Not worth it to me. I'll be out there a lot again before long. |
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| My wife doesn't fish, but loves being in the boat. She will even hit the water with me at 5am, take a nap and if the weather is nice will sunbath on the back deck. Works out great if the fish aren't active I enjoy the view. If the fish are active I tell her to grab the net and still enjoy the view. |
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| Smell_Esox - 5/9/2014 1:41 PM
For me its God, family, work, hobbies. That's my order. If you are thinking about getting married and aren't willing to compromise on fishing time, then don't get married. It's not fair to her, your future kids, or even yourself. IMO, if muskies are that important to you, you've got issues. It's a stinkin' fish for crying out loud. I was like one of the previous posters. I fished a ton early in my life before I was married. When I got married I fished a bit less. Now I have three boys and I fish even less. I'm at baseball and hockey constantly. I miss fishing a lot, but I wouldn't trade the experiences with my family for more fishing. What for, another picture? Bragging rights? Pride? A sparkly boat with high horsepower? Not worth it to me. I'll be out there a lot again before long.
Does not apply to my situation |
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| fishhawk50 - 5/8/2014 2:59 PM
vegas492 - 5/8/2014 1:30 PM
My wife picked out our Ranger.
Count me as a lucky one too.
My wife is constantly dreaming about how we can either have careers in Vilas County, or how we can save to retire there early.
Again, count me as lucky.
ummm.. your wife's name wouldn't happen to be Deb would it? that is describing my wife to a T!
And if I said it was? 
Her name is Jen. Probably related to your wife, though. |
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| Corso Mike - 5/9/2014 1:21 PM
KSauers - 5/9/2014 9:02 AM
Been married for 25 years. One child out on her own and the other goes to Point. Recently retired after 40 years on the work force. Now the wife says not one penny of retirement savings will be used for fishing. Someone mentioned a counselor,his idea was ,sell my boat,take a quarter of the procedes,take one last fishing trip and then NEVER FISH AGAIN. Great advice. The wife expects me to just easily giv e up something I've done my entire lfe because neither her or the counselor have a clue. Fishing or any other outdoor activity means nothing to them
Who picked the counselor? How did the counselor come up with one quarter of the procedes for a fishing trip and what happens to the other three quarters? I wish you well. That's a tough pill to swallow.
The counselor was through insurance. Whoever was available. He took how much I typically spend on a mostly guided trip tp Canada. The rest just goes in our bank account. |
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Location: New Hope MN | Start hiding money and get a good lawyer. I'm guessing she has beat you to it. |
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| what about Social Security and YOUR pension (if you have one) those are not retirement savings. I couldn't imagine my wife of 42 years saying anything like no more fishing. I would think that would bring a lot of tension and resentment into the picture.
Edited by Pepper 5/9/2014 1:05 PM
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Location: Smith Creek | If you really want to stay with someone who obviously hates you I would suggest unretiring and working (and fishing) till you die. |
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Location: Hayward, WI | You want me to stop fishing? That sure sounds like something my ex-wife would say.
You have to find a compromise that both of you can live with. I have found that having a set night every week where I can plan on fishing helps. |
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| Flambeauski - 5/9/2014 2:08 PM
If you really want to stay with someone who obviously hates you I would suggest unretiring and working (and fishing) till you die.
After these last couple of days I think I will soon be unretiring and also un marrying I shudder to think what my finances are going to be afterwards |
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| Just hope your judge is an outdoorsman. |
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Location: plant earth | go and enjoy yourself you only live once. I bug the wife all the time about going fishing but I made a commitment to her and my kids they come first. Wouldn't trade them for anything, and I know I m a pain in the butt most of the time she says when you retire you can go fishing everyday and believe me im gonna !!!!! |
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Location: minocqua, wi. | when you begin to compensate for another human being then you've lost, forgotten or never, ever known the meaning of life … togetherness is a noble notion, but there is but one life we're allowed to live and in that life it is perfectly fair to be happy regardless the consequences. |
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Location: Rhinelander, Wisconsin | Sue takes me fishing, helps me clean gills and crappies, and cooks them about half the time.
No drama around here, just enjoying life in the Northwoods.
Except for smoking a Buck last week with her 10 day old new to her Toyota, dead center, BAM!
$7400 in damage. Thank goodness for good insurance. |
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Location: Hastings, mn, 55033 | KSauers - 5/9/2014 2:38 PM
Flambeauski - 5/9/2014 2:08 PM
If you really want to stay with someone who obviously hates you I would suggest unretiring and working (and fishing) till you die.
After these last couple of days I think I will soon be unretiring and also un marrying I shudder to think what my finances are going to be afterwards
You may be surprised. While its certainly not just and equitable in alot(most?) cases, times are changing some. If your kids are raised and gone from home, your wife is working and has worked, you may get a fair settlement. I know of a few guys that have gone through divorces late in life and the judges were far more fair than in cases with younger men/families etc.
In the ones where the wife had also had a career, it was ordered that community assets be liquidated and split 50/50 and both kept their own pensions/retirement plans.
In 2 cases where the wife hadnt worked while raising the kids and had no pension/retirement plan it was ordered that community assets be sold and split evenly, and the wives received a split on the husbands pension etc.
Whatever the cost, its got to beat being miserable!
Some of you need to recognize that compromise is a two way street and that relationships of any kind should be give and take. One person ordering the other to do what they want isnt compromise! One person believing they are allowed to dictate 100% of how the other should live isnt a relationship, its a dictatorship! |
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Location: oconomowoc, wi | vegas492 - 5/9/2014 12:50 PM
fishhawk50 - 5/8/2014 2:59 PM
vegas492 - 5/8/2014 1:30 PM
My wife picked out our Ranger.
Count me as a lucky one too.
My wife is constantly dreaming about how we can either have careers in Vilas County, or how we can save to retire there early.
Again, count me as lucky.
ummm.. your wife's name wouldn't happen to be Deb would it? that is describing my wife to a T!
And if I said it was?
Her name is Jen. Probably related to your wife, though.
my wife's sister's name is Jen... how weird is that huh? |
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Location: West Bend, WI | jonnysled - 5/9/2014 5:04 PM
when you begin to compensate for another human being then you've lost, forgotten or never, ever known the meaning of life … togetherness is a noble notion, but there is but one life we're allowed to live and in that life it is perfectly fair to be happy regardless the consequences.
Couldnt disagree with this more. |
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Location: minocqua, wi. | mrmatt - 5/9/2014 8:52 PM
jonnysled - 5/9/2014 5:04 PM
when you begin to compensate for another human being then you've lost, forgotten or never, ever known the meaning of life … togetherness is a noble notion, but there is but one life we're allowed to live and in that life it is perfectly fair to be happy regardless the consequences.
Couldnt disagree with this more.
live your life miserable and compensate for others and pretend to be happy … get a trophy, a pin and die without a smile or any true happiness. pride is an interesting thing. |
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Location: West Bend, WI | Wow, sorry to disagree with you. I don't think we've ever met, but it seems like you have judgements already made. I may have misunderstood your post, sorry about that. It sounded to me that you were stating it is "fair" to be happy regardless of consequences. That sounds like a justification for selfishness. That is what one of my parents chose. I guess it was "fair", too bad I was one of those consequences. Divorce damages kids, period. Tough to hear, but true. |
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Location: minocqua, wi. | divorce can sometimes be the best thing that ever happened to a kid … kids in a home with parents who compensate and are not happy are not being who they should be to their kids. there are times that divorce gives kids more than they ever had when their parents were unhappily married. |
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Location: West Bend, WI | I have never heard a kid say he was happy his parents got divorced. Parents may want to believe this, but I would caution them. I am 38, my folks got divorced when I was 16. I said at the time I understood and that I was ok with it. Unfortunately, it wasn't until many years later that I finally dealt with it. Sure, sometimes divorce is an only option(infidelity, addiction), but those are not the norm. Most marriages are dissolved because " I am not happy" and that is sad. I am not posting this as judgement on those divorced or considering divorce, rather, as a voice to kids who don't generally speak. There are others involved in the parent's decision so tread carefully when making that choice on something as trivial as fishing. Marriage is tough, I get that. I have been married 14 years. I was a selfish ass for most of our marriage. In the last few years things have been different. I know this may offend some, it is not intended to do that, but turning to the Lord has made a huge difference for us. We are not perfect and please don't take it as that, but just what was is working for us. His will is what is best for us and when you live like that things go better. When you are in a in a marriage not for what you get, but for what you can give that changes things. Our marriage has never been better- not without issues, but never better. It seems like there is never an issue on when I can go or that sort of thing. If she wants to go do something I try to help her go, if I want to fish she helps me go. Things just work better.
Jonnysled, all I am saying is there is another option. |
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Location: minocqua, wi. | you may need to talk to more kids … i've got four that would blow your theory and know there are many, many more who have the same thoughts. it's not what people plan, but the outcome can be very, very good for everyone involved.
there are many options and zero absolutes …
even when leaning on a crutch, it's a crutch … standing on your feet and being happy inside your shoes is a refreshing place to be. |
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Location: The desert | jonnysled - 5/9/2014 9:39 PM
you may need to talk to more kids … i've got four that would blow your theory and know there are many, many more who have the same thoughts. it's not what people plan, but the outcome can be very, very good for everyone involved.
there are many options and zero absolutes …
even when leaning on a crutch, it's a crutch … standing on your feet and being happy inside your shoes is a refreshing place to be.
Couldn't agree more.
My parents divorced at age 10 or so. I didn't see my dad as much, but we became closer because of it. He helped instill the passion I have for the outdoors. I don't think that would have happened had my parents stayed together. My mom is anything but outdoorsy and hated going up north.
Sled is dead on when stating one only lives once and should be happy. If you aren't happy, what is the point? Divorced parents can still both have very positive impacts on their children's lives. Kids can also pick up when parents no longer like each other. I'd argue that's just damaging, if not more so. |
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Location: Lafayette, IN | Just finished a big landscape project for my wife of 29 years. Took 2 days off to work on it. There is something very enjoyable about serving someone you truly love. I'm not a fishing guide but I love to fish. I'm not a professional musician but I love to play music. In my life I've done a lot of both. Nothing will give me the same pleasure of doing things with and for my wife. That hope was in my heart when I asked her to marry me. When I say "I'm thinking about going fishing" or " We might try and book a show" it's prefaced with "What do we have on our calendar?" In our 29 years of marriage I have rarely fished, hunted or played music and come home with a bad feeling. People have already stated it. Simply put... "It's all in what your priorities are." |
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Location: West Bend, WI | I do stand in my own shoes and I am extremely happy. God is not my crutch, sorry you see it that way. He is who I live for. That positively affects all around me. Sorry we disagree. Have a nice day jonnysled. |
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| Sled is right...of course divorce is a last resort but it can be a healthier option for kids involved. My wife's parent have been divorced since she was a kid and she's glad it happened cause she would have been raised in a horrible home with verbal abuse, alcoholism and constant fighting. She says "I would have been more messed up in life if my parents stayed together, it was the best thing for all involved". Unfortunately, her dad was not a role model and our of her life for good but if her parents would have "stuck it out" she would have grown in up a house with no love, a drunk dad, violence and constant yelling/screaming. Thank god her mom was strong enough to end the destructive behavior. As sled said.... Its all about happiness and life is way to short to waste time. She's now thankful for her parents separating for good and was raised by a single mother in a good home. |
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Location: The desert | mrmatt - 5/10/2014 6:21 AM
I do stand in my own shoes and I am extremely happy. God is not my crutch, sorry you see it that way. He is who I live for. That positively affects all around me. Sorry we disagree. Have a nice day jonnysled.
You are completely missing the point. |
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| mrmatt - 5/9/2014 11:27 PM
I have never heard a kid say he was happy his parents got divorced.
Gotta keep piling on to this. Like sled said, you need to talk to more kids. I have three older (half) siblings who can tell you how relieved they were that mom (whom we share) left their biological father. Sure, divorce isn't easy on kids but my sister will go on and on about how relieved and happy they were when they didn't have to watch my mother getting beaten to a bloody pulp every other day. They view this guy as their biological father and that is it. They view my biological father as their "dad."
An ex girlfriend's kids would say the same thing. The divorce on them wasn't easy but when their mom and dad split up it brought them peace and they were happy kids at the age of 2, 8, and 11. The 2 year old was too young to understand at that time but the others weren't. They were happy that they didn't have to hide in their bedrooms when daddy would drag mommy into the bedroom and have his way with her.
I have a pair of nieces who encouraged their mother (my sister) to divorce their dad. They were around 9 or 10 years old at the time. They were old enough to understand that daddy's drug habit, alcoholism, and abuse were not a good thing and they would be better off if mom and dad were split up so mom could find someone who doesn't take them for granted.
Just because your parents divorce was a terrible thing for you, it doesn't give you a free pass to label every marriage break-up as being the same.
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Location: Oconto Falls, WI | bowhunter29 - 5/8/2014 11:24 AM
KSauers - 5/8/2014 9:03 AM
How many of you have been stuck in this position? How many marriages have ended because of musky fishing? how many have been forced to decide between the wife and musky fishing up north or in Canada?
Dude, you're coming at this from the wrong perspective. Why does it have to be either / or?
If a hobby costs someone a marriage, their priorities are certainly in the wrong place. If someone is that selfish, they shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. Be a husband/father- don't stop dating your wife, help out around the house, spend quality time with her and the kids. Invest in your marriage!
I'm far from the worlds best husband but I do my part around the house and I spend a lot of time with my kids. My wife is very supportive of my hunting / fishing / rod building and she has NEVER said no to a hunting / fishing trip for me- she's never even given me a hard time about all the time I spend hunting and fishing. I'm one very fortunate man.
jeremy
Very well said. |
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