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Posts: 1185
Location: Iowa | Guys,
I come in great need of advice...what do you do when you are losing the one thing in your life that you love more than anything else in the world...what do you do when you girlfriend of over a year comes up to you and says she isn't happy and doesn't want to be with you anymore...I am lost and confused....searching for some answers...I am seriously hurting guys...and this is the only place I can turn to right now to talk to anyone...I need someone to talk to...please...my parents aren't around at home and none of my roommates are here...
Big Perc 
Edited by Big Perc 5/3/2005 3:49 PM
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Posts: 341
| Your young and have your whole life to be married or under house arrest, I mean relationship. Enjoy your freedom why you can before you have to answer to Kernal frost bite like the rest of us.
Good luck! |
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Posts: 938
Location: NeverNever Lake | One thing to always remember, you're not alone. Alot of peeps including myself have been there more than once. We all can identify with what you're feeling. Those feelings will pass! You'll find someone else. I know it sucks, just hang in there............
Edited by RAZE1 5/3/2005 3:59 PM
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| Work harder making her happy or find a new girlfriend.
I just ended a two year relationship and I am moving on  |
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Posts: 1310
Location: Washington, PA | I wouldn't recommend working harder to make her happy. .....personally. This is coming from someone who has been there, too many times. My advice, go fishing. Sounds stupid, but it's true. Other than that, sign on to msn messenger, tomyv1......and you can join in the support group and listen to my crazy women stories daily.
Happened to me after a 7 year relationship.
Edited by tomyv 5/3/2005 4:06 PM
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Posts: 13688
Location: minocqua, wi. | i just went through the same with the love of my life .... 14 years and 4 kids. i know where you are and it sucks. call me any time 715.493.7848. my biggest aid came from strangers first who now have become some of my best friends and they came through the muskyhunter message board.
i'll help you if i can. |
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Posts: 13688
Location: minocqua, wi. | by the way Tommy is right. for me it's kids #1, work #2, and activities #3. i'll be living on the water when i'm not focussed on either #1 or #2. go to the gym, study your a$$ off, dive into your hobbies, spend time with your friends or meet some new ones that are a positive outlet for you. get out of your dorm, apartment, house whereever and get busy. |
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Posts: 141
| Just go fishin dude..... |
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Posts: 8778
| Man, it happened to me after 4 years. I went through all the usual stuff -- angry, sad, hopeless, blaming me, blaming her, blaming her family...
But at some point I realized that if she wasn't happy, then we wouldn't be happy together long term. For a relationship to work it has to work for both people.
Then I realized that I went fishing maybe 3 times during the four years we were together. The summer after we broke up I went 14 times.
My point? Go fishing, man! It may seem like everything sucks, because right now it does suck, but life is funny -- you'll meet a better girl, one who is happy with you, and you'll be happier than you were for the last year. |
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Posts: 8778
| Muskyboy, are you nuts?
Work harder to make her happy? I mean that's fine if you were a thoughtless jerk, but there's only so much you can do to try making someone else happy. In my case it went as far as me trying to become who she needed me to be, someone who I'm just NOT. It worked for a year, and then it was more stuff she wasn't happy with, and more, and more, and more. Got myself a pretty serious booze habit, an ulcer, 40 extra pounds, high blood pressure, and a lot less money trying to make her happy, and when she finally left me because I hadn't proposed after 4 years it occurred to me:
If I'd have married her I'd have been dead within 10 years.
I think about her a lot, because I really did love her. I miss her, and I probably always will. But one day last summer when I was looking out over the water, watching a family of ducks swim around by the shoreline I realized some things
For the first time since I could remember I didn't have a care in the world. I wasn't worried about whether she was going to be mad for three days because I went fishing, I wasn't worried about whether she spend the day on the phone with her mother listening to "If he really loved you he wouldn't run off to sit on a boat chasing fish". I wasn't worried about whether or not I was going to make enough money this month to pay for all the dinners and stuff I bought her. I wasn't WORRIED! I felt good! My stomach wasn't bothering me, I slept through the night. I didn't have to worry about what we were going to fight about next...
Then I realized the thing that really brought it all home
"If we were still together, I'd have spent today doing whatever she wanted, and I wouldn't have been able to be here fishing right now, and right now I can't think of one place I'd rather be on a day like today."
She's better off without me. Not because I'm a bad guy, or I didn't love her enough or any of that. She's married now to a rich guy who can give her everything she could ever want in life, and more importantly she's happy because she's with someone who IS who she needs and not someone who is trying to be who she needs.
And me, I'm better off, because I can be ME, and find someone who loves ME and is happy with ME. |
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Posts: 32885
Location: Rhinelander, Wisconsin | Happened to me after 18 years. I can tell you sometimes what seems to be awful in the present turns out to be a blessing in the future. I would have never met Sue if I hadn't gone through the same deal with a now highly qualified Ex. Now I fish on the weekends with my best friend, same on Tuesday night Muskie league, and she is just by coincedence my wife, too.
This too shall pass, hang in there, man. |
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Posts: 2112
Location: The Sportsman, home, or out on the water | My friend, I am not the nuturing supportive type. I've been through 2 gut-wrenching, heartdestroying, nasty, costly divorces, from Satan's only two daughters. My life was hell until I met the one true love for me, Lori. You're a young man. There are plenty of fish in the wood pile. Her loss dude. Take it as a lost lure. Go to the store and buy yourself a better one. The best revenge you can get on her is living happier than when you were with her. Go get drunk and be a jerk for a while, but don't shut anyone out. It's part of the healing process. |
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Posts: 720
| Hang in there Perch, this is going to pass. I can say this you can only do so much and then it is up to her. I know this has got to be hard and if it was ment to be it will happen. Throw yourself into your work or studies, fishing, family or what ever can get you past this rough patch. Just remember this will get better with time. In the meantime call on your friends and family for support and advice.
Good luck Perch,
Dave |
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Posts: 466
Location: Pittsburgh, PA | whats up perc.....shoot me an email [email protected]. being pretty close in age and having a similar thing just happen to me several months ago, i think i can help ya out. |
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Posts: 2089
| Wow, really good stuff.Muskie fishing saved my life last year.Similar to some stated above, but with my friends(many of whom I met here)and fishing,I made it.You will too.A year later and I'm on my own.The counselor said to worry about ME.Sorry lady, never done that before.Learning every day.Oh yeah, when I played football in college,the "freaks" weren't too hard to come by.Play the "player" card my friend and have fun, be safe and move on down the line.We only go 'round once and it's too short of a ride to be unhappy. Steve |
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| buy a Harley |
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Posts: 4266
| "I can't make you love me if you don't.
You can't make your heart feel something it won't."
Don't try to force anything.
"You know that love don't play no favorites. There is no one that's imune, 'cause she changes her demeanor like the phases of the moon. There aint no easy answers, you know there's only shades of grey, but when it's love or it's survival sometimes you gotta get away......and the days stretch on forever and the nights are so unkind and endless when the heart is in decline, and it doesn't really matter if it's chance or it's design.....it's gonna take some time. You wrestle with the reasons, but the reasons never rhyme, or comfort when the heart is in decline. And it doesn't really matter if it's chance or it's design......it's gonna take some time."
You'll get over it and move on. Right now there is somebody out there that's just waiting for you....only neither of you know it right now.
Hang in there man, things WILL get better.
I'll keep you and my other friends in my prayers. Things will be OK.
Accept it for now and you'll look back on it later and realize that it was just a part of the plan that is laid out for you.
And stay away from the booze. Getting drunk just makes you feel sorry for yourself and pissed at the world. Keep a clear mind.
Beav
Edited by Beaver 5/3/2005 6:15 PM
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| Hang in there man, I know where you're coming from Perc. Beginning of last year I ended an almost 3 year relationship. I was on the verge of poping that question. Haha, I look back and have to laugh. I was going to sell my old boat & buy the ring. Instead, I sold my old boat and in Feb last year bought myslef my new 1850 FIshawk! I don't know if a material object like a boat can "save" someone but i felt like it saved me! Haha, best thing I ever did! Not to make light of the whole situation but in all honesty, I'm so glad the way things unfolded. Dont' get me wrong, it was tough at the beginning. But the more and more I was out on the water catching fish I had time to reflect back on things from our relationship. I saw the light if you will. Ya know, when I look back, I think I was so focused on the whole getting married thing that I hadn't seen the whole picture. I didn't see how things just weren't going to work. Hey whatever happens, happens. Don't know where I am going with this but just trying to let ya see another perspecitve... |
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Posts: 8778
| Speaking from experience, you're not going to find anything in the bottle except a drunk in the mirror, and all that does is make you think you're not good enough for ANYBODY.
And don't be afraid to be sad, man -- be hurt, be upset... Hell, you're human -- it's ok to not be ok when something like this happens.
But don't get discouraged -- it's not going to do anybody any good. And before you know it, maybe a month, maybe two, maybe 6, or sooner than you think you meet someone and think "wow! she's all that and more!" and it feels so good to feel something for someone again! Now in my case there's a line a mile long and I'm at the back, but that's ok -- just being interested in someone else is a step.
And remember one thing:
No matter how bad it seems now, someone you know has gone through worse and made it, and like a lot of guys here found someone who is everything they could ever dream of.
Good luck, man.
Jeff |
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Posts: 686
Location: Tomahawk, Wisconsin | S buy a Harley not a v rod!!:) By the way if you want it painted let me know!! |
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Posts: 89
| Homey:
After the rain comes the sun - there are plenty of great gals in Iowa - some of the nicest people in the country. I (or any of the other good dudes on this site) can not tell you anything that will make it right - however, like many have mentioned - it's for the best and it will pass. It will pass. |
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Posts: 1764
Location: Ogden, Ut | Perc,
I can't add a whole lot to the advice given by those posting prior to me other than to agree. I'm also a part of the 'been there, done that' crowd. Broken engagement years ago. I know it sounds extremely cliche, but it really was the best thing that ever happened to me. Seek support from friends, not from a bottle. There's lots of us out here that know that time truly does heal these wounds. Don't be afraid to be the friend in need, that's what we're all here for ultimately. And fish whenever you can, it will make the time pass quicker, cuz it will seem like the clock and calander have all but stopped.
Best wishes,
Kent |
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Posts: 24
| Man, it happens, sometimes more than once. You'll get through it. You may not believe that now and you may think that a lot of what was written is wrong for your situation.
Some of the responses you got are really heavy. You can bet that they didn't come easy and without the pain of memory. You'll get through.
Guys, this thread is really something unique. You all have my respect.
Ted
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Posts: 1887
Location: syracuse indiana | hey perk. dont sweat it man i have been there and done that with every girl i have been with . so now that i have been free on my own and raising my kids for 4 years now . life is so wonderful. i have many things that i never had before . couse after my ex spending all my and kids money on her habits. and yes i mean drugs too. it has been so mutch sweeter without her. i could use the child support but i will never see that heck she dont even call her kids.
anyway man just relax and have fun always keep your head up and with a smile on her face.AND GO FISHING
as brad paisly says
"we'll i loved her
but i loved to fish
i spend all day out on this lake
and he!! is all i catch.
but soon she'd meet me at the door
said i would have to choose
if i hit that fishin hole again
she'd be packin all her things and she
bee gone by noon.
well im gonna miss her
when she's gone
and you know the rest so party on dude and get on that water man thats the best advice i can give you couse the water will make most problems go away and make the spirit free....bill |
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Posts: 2091
Location: Stevens Point, WI | If she doesn't want to be with you, you don't need to be with her. It will only be frustrating for both of you trying to make a relationship work that is destined to fail anyways. It's certainly understandable that you are very bummed but don't let control your life, there are too many things you can do to occupy your time. There are many fish in the pond so to speak and don't rush to find a "replacement" Things will fall into place as opportunities come your way. Buck up and move on!!!!!!
Edited by MuskieMedic 5/3/2005 9:43 PM
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| Geez...one year....pull yourself together man...that's nothin.
I've been with my girl for almost five and she should be leaving me any day now!!!
Unless I stop hanging out with S that is....I'm looking at Harleys right now.
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| Well you have alot of "veterans" here with some excellent advice! I ending a 26 year relationship.....(should have quit about 15 years ago) I did try everything to salvage this thing and ya know what nothing worked.You cannot force anyone to "want" you so cut the line and let her go.I guarantee you'll save yourself alot of grief in the long run.Go trolling for a new "keeper"! GO SLOW |
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Posts: 232
Location: Sun Prairie, WI | What do you do when someone puts a hot rock in your hand --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ya drop it!!  |
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Posts: 3240
Location: Racine, Wi | As said before, it has happened to many of us, but you eventually find the one that does it for you, and you will forget about all of the rest.
For the time being, it appears as if you can make the Wisconsin opener now.  There are some cuties at Jolly Mons. |
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Posts: 1185
Location: Iowa | Fellas,
Thanks for all who lended a helping hand...all is well for the time being but we will see how things go for now...hoping and prayin things go stay good...
Big Perc |
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