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| Jump to page : 1 2 Now viewing page 2 [30 messages per page] Muskie Fishing -> General Discussion -> Fishing dilemma! |
| Message Subject: Fishing dilemma! | |||
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| I comepletely agree on the consistency issue. Gotta follow through, every time. Lectures are too easily tuned out, and I think that's why we have a nation of little sociopaths running around. "You started the neighbor kid on fire? I think somebody needs a time out. Why do you feel that way? Here's a piece of candy because I've failed you as a parent." There has to be actual punishment associated with the actual deed. Oversimplified and wrought with hyperbole, but you get my point. Consistent, fitting punishment is necessary to eliminate bad behavior. I have a 4 year old son. Couple weeks ago he wanted a popsicle, would have been his 3rd of the day, and it dawned on me that it was getting a bit ridiculous, so I said no. Man, he was not happy. Huge tantrum, huge emotional disappointment for him, he was really miserable over the whole thing. He asked (cried) why couldn;t he have another popsicle. I asked him if he liked how he felt right now. He said no (obviously). And I told him that if I gave him a popsicle at this point, he'd end up feeling just like he did then EVERY time he wanted something and was told no. He wasn't real enthused about it, but he settled down after a little while. Next day he had a milder fit when his popsicle intake was limited, but now (just the two incidents later) he's completely ok with it. He asks, and if I say yes, he's really happy. If I say no, he says "Please, dad? Oh alright" and plays with some toys or rides his bike. Now, if I'd have given him the popsicle and a lecture on why tantrums were wrong, where do you think we'd be in our battle over frozen confections? Your kid is and will be constantly exploring boundaries. The more concrete and known those boundaries are, the easier it is for him to live within them. It's like the dog that's constantly pulling on the leash. The touchy feely trainers tell you to gently pull back and verbally correct the dog. The only results I've see from that are people who have gotten tired of talking to their dogs and either put up with the dog dragging them all over, or stop taking the dog for walks. The Kohler Method says when the dog forges ahead on the leash, you give some slack, and turn and start walking the other way. Not the most pleasant experience for the dog, but I will say from experience that it only takes a couple times (I was able to fine tune my Rott's 'heel' in less than 90 seconds). It becomes in their best interest to stay right by your side, aware of where you are, and where you are going. Inhumane? I would argue that it is much more humane than having a dog constantly choking itself pulling on the leash, more humane than allowing the dog to become "unwalkable". Bottom line: I'd vote to stick to your guns. There's an important life lesson here. Understanding him is important, but it is equally important for him to understand you. | |||
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| I would take Cody fishing. I'm sure he already knows how disappointed you and Maria are with him as well as his teacher. A lesson does need to be learned but not this way. Ground him, make him do extra credit math assignments, take away his gameboy and TV, make him donate any doorprize he receives to a boys home or local charity ... but don't sacrifice the time you have together. See you tomorrow! Nancy [:)] | |||
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| Best compromise I'm seeing based on the "spend time with him" argument (which I think is valid to a point) would be to spend time with him... doing something else. Might be a good day to dig some holes in the back yard for a couple of trees, or something like that, if you know what I mean. Something that's not fun, but still puts you guys in a conversational setting where the productive/bonding/guidance stuff happens. Remember, our first responsibility is to be a parent. We're not here to be our kids' buddy. There are plenty of people shorter than us for that. Friends don't make friends do homework and eat broccoli. Parents do. (obvious disclaimer, you can still be a parent and have a close relationshipo with your kid, it's jsut that some people lose sight of that. ie the parents who buy their kids beer, just they'll like them and think they're cool. Don't laugh, it happens. More than we'd like to think.) | |||
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| CM, GREAT POST!! Now there would be a good thing (sorry Bill, I like his idea here...) Cut out the whole tournament for both of you and do just as CM stated. The time is still together and doing something he will not like. And better post even on the idea of NOT being your child's buddy. I couldn't tell you how many times that comes up with kids. CM: AWESOME!! | |||
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| CMunger, BAD idea!!!!! You are right about spending time with him, thats why last night we cleaned up the work shop. | |||
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| Bill Schwartz and VMS got their acts together. I'm a teacher of behaviorally disordered junior high students, and a parent of a 10 year old. Action speaks louder than words. Following through with what you say you are going to do is so tough for a parent (and sometimes teachers) to do, but worth it. So many of us fail to follow through, like VMS says, "haul their arse back to school to get the work"- when parents do that, the kid really is the winner. Its being diligent and relentless that works. Less talking/less emotion/more action works. Good luck, Don | |||
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| Well...Did he go fishing or not? | |||
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| I was wondering too. Did you let him go fishing with ya Bill? Brett Carroll | |||
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| Billy!!!!!!!!!! So who fished with who? | |||
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| No, he did not fish with me. He stayed home with mom instead.(it might have been a better punishment to have him in the boat all day long with the high wind's and heavy rains) If your looking for the Classic's results there at: http://www.slammertackle.com/reports.htm | |||
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| Bill, I didn't get a chance to read the first part of this thread until this morning, but I support your decision. I know it was not an easy decision to make, and I think I saw that in your eyes yesterday. I've had some problems on occasion with my 10 yr. old Eric in school. And I know how hard it is to dole out the consequences sometimes. I believe this will be a lesson that will make an impression on young Cody, and won't soon be forgotten. Life is not easy, and it's getting tougher all the time for our children. Respect and accountability seem to have taken a back seat recently. You've taken a step to help restore the promise of great things to come for your boy. Have faith that you've done the right thing for him. Why don't you consider bringing him up to the Bone Lake outing in June. We got Baby Shep, Baby Shady, and Baby Ranger so far, all around 10 years old. We need a fourth to fill that room! I think the boyz will have a great time, and the days on the water with their dad's should provide ample opportunity to talk about what is importatant to us, and them. Tight Lines, Shep[:sun:] | |||
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