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Location: West Bend, WI | I labeled no one, nor am I judging them. Please dont say that I am. I know all situations are different and am not coming at anybody here. Easy guys. |
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| I figured I'd chime in on this post considering I'm goin thru it rite now. My wife and I have known each other since high school, after school she left and went and modeled in New York for 3 yrs. and we were on and off. We both wanted to be together and eventually when she got sick of it she came back and we got married had a son and started our life together. Well 12 yrs later and we can't even stand to be around each other. We used to not wanna be anywhere but where the other was. We have a great kid, he's the absolute best part of me, loves basketball and fishin just like his ol' man and he's just all that I could've ever asked for and be blessed with. But there comes a time when there's been so many bad things said and done that its hard to go back from. We live seperate now and it's almost relieving to not come home and wonder what I'm gonna get good guyed at for. Or what arguement would come about for absolute petty things and the stress factors for all involved including my son are way down. When we were together my wife and I fought constantly and half the time by the time it was over wed forget why the hell we even started fighting in the first place. I am lucky that my wife and I put my sons feelings first and we split time rite down the middle. His school work has actually improved and his teacher said he seems less tense and stressed out. Wich makes me feel like it was way to much fighting while we were together. I think it all just comes down to dif. People and dif. Situations. But separating has seemed to work for us. And we actually get along better now than we have in years!!! So ill have to go with Sled on this one. Y stay unhappy for the rest of your life change can be a very good thing. Who knows what will happen in the future but for rite now we are doing all we can to b happy wo each other and it seems to be working for us! |
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Location: minocqua, wi. | a couple great pieces of advice i got during the toughest times when loss of the family cell and especially time with my kids came from a guy who was the age i am now. he couldn't have been more correct.
1. there will come a time when you are happier than you would ever imagine again
2. they are your kids when you are an old man, put them first and make the time you have positive and you'll be closer to them than you were when your were in the marital home every day.
there are couples who survive through faith, counseling or other support = i get that, but if you are "compensating" and becoming someone other than the you that was and is allowed to be, then you're never going to be truly happy.
and most important … i wish i could remember who told me this but it is ABSOLUTELY true.
Kids Bounce … they don't Break …
you and they will survive and quite possibly thrive in a situation where they get to spend time with the real you that is not being filtered through the tension and crud of a bad relationship.
some strangers will find their way into your life during the time you spend doing what makes you happy … they will become the best friends you've ever had. i cannot imagine life without the friendships that have come my way or the hobbies we enjoy together on the water and on the ice. i share that with a fantastic lady, her kids, my kids and a long list of friends who visit … life is very, very good as a result. some of those friends have become like uncles to my kids.
Edited by jonnysled 5/10/2014 10:22 AM
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Location: Planet Meltdown | My wife is giving me "the eye" as I'm reading this and she's cleaning. Later fellas.... |
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Location: Greenfield, WI | I am a newly wed......of 37 years!
My wife doesn't fish (yet), but loves being in the boat "soaking in the rays", reading her books, or just enjoying time on the water.
I enjoy the view!
She comes from a "City Family", but three years ago started hunting and is loving it. I would not be surprised if she started fishing sometime soon as well.
She doesn't expect or demand full time attention or the need to be with me on all my adventures full time, nor would I expect or demand that she be always along. Some of those times in gale force winds, freezing rain or snow are tough enough on me, much less for her.
When she joins us her comfort is paramount. She must be comfortably warm and dry (thank God for Gortex!), have snacks and drink, and I need to be willing to take breaks. I treat her as good or better than I do my guiding clients. May be I don't do full days of "pounding" when she is along, but I am thankful for our time together when it happens.
My secret, if you can call it that, is being as devoted and engaged for her time and interests as I am for mine.
Long ago I learned that, if you take care of the ladies a lot of good things happen!
It is not rocket science!
Edited by Steve Van Lieshout 5/11/2014 9:53 AM
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| After two failed marriages, I got the love of my life and what I truly consider the perfect wife for me. I'm blessed to have her and cherish her ! Not much she can't do and a lot better than me...well that might not be too hard to do. She won't hunt, however sure can fish and the cold is not an issue for her. She out fishes a lot of my friends. Not bragging just HAPPILY MARRIED !!!! :-)) |
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| Steve Van Lieshout - 5/11/2014 9:47 AM
May be I don't do full days of "pounding" when she is along, but I am thankful for our time together when it happens.
Am I the only one who read this and busted out laughing? HAHAHA A good laugh in a thread that is rather serious and affects a lot of our fellow Musky dudes...
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Location: Sawyer County, WI |
I waited quite a few years before getting married and I'm d@mn glad I did. I was lucky enough to find a great woman and had enough time to rule out a few that would have been long term trouble. To be fair, there were a few that ruled me out as well, and that was just fine.
No disrespect to those who have told their stories, but I find it hard to believe that "fishing" was the single cause for dissolution of any marriage. If people (women included) spent as much time choosing a spouse as they did selecting which reel they are going to use for double 10s they'd probably be able to see/experience future compatibility issues before saying "I do".
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| The bottom line is you have to be happy, don't go to your grave with regret. When the going gets tough, only you will be looking out for you. If you made a mistake, learn from it an move on, don't dwell in it. |
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| After all the "winter net" bickering it's refeshing to see we actually have a good group of guys (married, divorced and single) who have a good head on their shoulders! Life's too short! Age is only a number and if you stay young at heart you'll never grow old....more to life than Muskie and balance is key in the end! There's some good dudes on here! Now go catch some #*^@ fish! |
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Location: Lafayette, IN | dfkiii - 5/12/2014 2:03 AM If people (women included) spent as much time choosing a spouse as they did selecting which reel they are going to use for double 10s they'd probably be able to see/experience future compatibility issues before saying "I do".
Pretty good stuff right there! I'll say it again... priorities. |
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Location: Maribel WI | Considering a person has to sift through Muskie Board forums to get decent advise about muskies, Id be very careful taking advise about my family and marriage here. |
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Location: Mauston, Wisconsin | KSauers - 5/9/2014 9:02 AM
Been married for 25 years. One child out on her own and the other goes to Point. Recently retired after 40 years on the work force. Now the wife says not one penny of retirement savings will be used for fishing. Someone mentioned a counselor,his idea was ,sell my boat,take a quarter of the procedes,take one last fishing trip and then NEVER FISH AGAIN. Great advice. The wife expects me to just easily giv e up something I've done my entire lfe because neither her or the counselor have a clue. Fishing or any other outdoor activity means nothing to them
Sled is right, you have to be happy or it will end anyway....... better to make it quick. after all she still has the counseler.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwRrKaq0IyY
Maybe she needs a stronger hint?
https://www.appealingsigns.com/taxonomy/term/14/im-sure-gonna-miss-h...
There is hope if you have a good lawyer. This truck was parked next to mine when I came out of cardiac rehab the other day.
Edited by ESOX Maniac 5/12/2014 9:17 AM
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| As a Seminary trained (The Master's Seminary) Senior Pastor (Calvary Bible Church Ketchikan Alaska) of 14 years--who does a fair amount of marriage counseling a couple things that might be helpful---very interesting reading by the way----
1. Everyone has one thing in life they truly hold dear---its the thing they worship---the thing they are most passionate about, look forward to, long for, the thing one looks toward to bring them ultimate happiness---if that thing is Musky fishing, or hunting, or you insert whatever you want in the blank---it will be very difficult to be happily married--or stay married for that matter----for your spouse will not have the same passion for this thing that you do.
2. Marriage is about love and self sacrifice for someone else---if one goes into marriage thinking primarily about what they are going to get rather than what they are going to give it is doomed to failure.
3. No person or hobby or thing can bring the ultimate happiness that men and woman are seeking----Only a relationship with God through faith in Jesus Christ can fill the inherent emptiness of man's heart.
4. Its is our personal sin---missing the mark of perfection that causes such difficulty in marriage---instead of having one sinner living under your roof now you have two---apart from God's grace, all marriages would be doomed to failure. Only as each individual in the marriage focuses on loving God as their ultimate object of worship---can they as a couple live together in love, harmony, joy, peace, and blessing.
5. Make no mistake about it---even couples who love God, and love their spouse, struggle to have a good marriage---like others have well said--it takes work, sacrifice, and effort, and there is a real, literal enemy of God---Satan--that works trying to destroy marriages.
6. Finally, don't get married based on external things like looks, or having a lot of laughs together---there must be a much deeper love---a self sacrificing love---for the external things--the shallow things will quickly pass away. I tell guys there is no crime in staying single if they want to live for their fishing, hunting, sports, toys...no crime in that at all---if you get married do it for the right reasons--and make sure you and your finance are on the same page about the things that really matter. |
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Location: Muskegon Michigan | I divorced three before I got the current one. She hunts and fishes all the time. Two past Muskies inc titles to her credit. In my case leaving her home would be cause for divorce. Mike |
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| fishhawk50 - 5/9/2014 6:44 PM
vegas492 - 5/9/2014 12:50 PM
fishhawk50 - 5/8/2014 2:59 PM
vegas492 - 5/8/2014 1:30 PM
My wife picked out our Ranger.
Count me as a lucky one too.
My wife is constantly dreaming about how we can either have careers in Vilas County, or how we can save to retire there early.
Again, count me as lucky.
ummm.. your wife's name wouldn't happen to be Deb would it? that is describing my wife to a T!
And if I said it was? 
Her name is Jen. Probably related to your wife, though.
my wife's sister's name is Jen... how weird is that huh?
This is getting spooky. Sorry but my wife has no sisters. Although many people have asked when they see her back my truck up at the landing so I can get the Ranger on it.
I see a lot of people being negative about marriage/spouses. I guess it is all about compromise. I do a lot of things for my wife that I wouldn't do normally, but have now grown to enjoy, like going to church. She has made me better that way, and I feel blessed everyday because she challenged me to try that. And on the flip side, I introduced her to nature and the northwoods and wouldn't you know it, she loved it. |
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Location: 31 | When I was dating my wife back in the late-80s, her boss use to bug her to bring in pictures of the muskies as soon as I got back. When he heard that I had just returned from LOTW, he asked her if he could see them, she told him that it would have to wait because I was already gone on a “turn around trip” (I thought giving it a title like that would help ;)) The funny part is a gal in her office heard them talking and said to her; “if that was my boyfriend, I'd tell him if he tried to take off fishing again like that, I'll be gone when he got back”. Future wife said; “you'd be packing your bags pretty quick then”. I always chuckle a little when I think of the silence that must have followed. |
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Location: SE Wisconsin | Pointerpride102 - 5/8/2014 8:52 PM Detroithardcore nails it. Yes he does! |
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Location: Kansas City BBQ Capitol of the world | I have seen it happen where the fish became an addiction and the marriage ended.
Ron |
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| Didn`t want kids so no reason to get married. Why have a second opinion or have to ask for permission? Life is too short. |
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| Being gone over the road for the last too many years put a big strain on two marriages, however those two really liked the money. My Wife of a lifetime now looks forward to me being home for my monthly week at home and she absolutely loves muskie and Pike fishing too. Hiking, long walks or just spending time together with our dogs makes her delighted. I used to be addicted to trucking , now I'm looking forward to making my last run and living normal and spending time being with my wife and dogs .....AND FISHING !!! My wife can wait either !! She is my favorite fishing partner. |
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| Storm Strike - 5/12/2014 10:41 AM
3. No person or hobby or thing can bring the ultimate happiness that men and woman are seeking----Only a relationship with God through faith in Jesus Christ can fill the inherent emptiness of man's heart.
I was with you until this one. I'm sorry, but this is a major assumption on your part. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, but when I am up in the peace & quiet and musky fishing in the wilderness...I actually do feel happy/happier AND, get this, closer to "god" or whatever/whomever one wants to call it.
I dislike the hustle and bustle of the city and rude people; though I deal with it as a means to an end to make a living now (so I can eventually move up North full time retired at a "young" age). I am a much nicer and relaxed person when I am doing "my thing", which happens to be Musky Fishing. I also feel closer to "life" and more "spiritual" in general.
Bottom line is that what works for some, doesn't work for others. Everyone is different, and has a different perspective.
This thread is interesting, funny, and pathetic at the same time. I still don't get how someone who is married is supposed to "give up" fishing after so many years of marriage. That actually seems preposterous that this wasn't known up front...BUT I see the flip side to it. I've been in a situation where I told a woman up front I would NEVER move to her city, and she said she understood. So we dated, and then when it got serious, she wanted me to move to her city after 1.5 years. I said, "Huh? We discussed this before we REALLY started dating seriously." Her response, "I know you said that, but I didn't think you meant it." My response was "I say what I mean. No other meanings, take everything I say at face value." This was in a restaurant, so she starts crying and then tosses a drink in my face and runs out crying. I called her cell phone while sitting ni the restaurant and broke up with her. I think sometimes men or women get some sort of "scenario" in their mind (like a fantasy), and when it doesn't come to fruition...things blow up. All you can do is be honest/true to yourself, and try not to hurt the other person too much in the process. Sometimes two people are just incompatible. |
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Location: Northwest Chicago Burbs | Nothing better than a wife that can out fish you!! 
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Location: oswego, il | How about posting significant other pics and we can argue and bicker over their measurements?lol. Good posting keep it going. |
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| muskyrat - 5/18/2014 7:39 AM
Didn`t want kids so no reason to get married. Why have a second opinion or have to ask for permission? Life is too short.
Second opinion - LOL |
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Location: Maple Grove, MN | I have to agree with Storm Strike. No hobby is ever going to truly satisfy a person.
I have found myself using hobbies and professional accomplishments to satisfy and it just doesn't do it. If only I could catch a giant Muskie, then I'd be happy. And then I caught one and it was exciting, but satisfying only for a short time. Then I felt if only I caught more big fish, then I'd be happy. I did and it was the same thing again. It was nice to catch a big fish, but really not a big deal. It became like chasing a dream that could never quite be caught because the dream was never enough. I was just repeating the same pattern that I had done with so many other things. For instance, work was the same way for me. Another promotion, another invention, another fortune 500 customer - never ended. Even though I accomplished great things, it was never enough.
I've been married for 16 years now and was into Muskie fishing long before I met my wife. During that time I've learned its best to keep a balance between God, family, work and hobbies - in that order. My family is very important to me, but the love is not always returned. I can love my hobbies or job, but no fish or job ever loved me back. Only God and his son are always there for me. And only God's love could fill that bottomless pit, that empty hole that could not be filled by hobbies, accomplishments or people.
Like so many couples, my wife and I have had troubles in our marriage. Looking back at it, it was pretty much all my fault. In my pursuit of hobbies and accomplishments, I have all to often gotten my priorities all messed up. I love fishing and always will. But fishing can never come before God or family. If it does, then things get out of balance and problems arise. Just as sure as the sun coming up in the morning, its going happen.
I find it helpful to stop once in a while and look if the path that I'm on is heading where I truly want to go. Do I want a happy family? Do I want God in my life? Or do I want to live at work for that promotion or fish all the time to catch an even larger fish? Do I want to be remembered as a person who only cared about himself and his hobbies - or one that was willing to sacrifice for what was truly important? How should fishing, hunting and other hobbies fit into my life?
Everyone must make their own choices - and everyone must live with the consequences for those choices. I have not always made good choices and it has cost me. Now I'm trying to make better choices.
So, as to the discussion, what does one truly want? Figure that out and the rest will come. |
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| Wow, love this thread. My first marriage was a bust, due to my ex wife's selfishness. She was unhappy, and refused to deal with any issues that would cause direct conflict. SO one day after coming home from fishing, she asked for a divorce. I was the devoted one, and she was done. No other way to put it. I gave up so much of myself, and had been working myself into the ground, and was till broke trying to provide for her the "White picket fence, two dogs, and two kids family." Well, no more. I gave up so much of who and what I was throughout our marriage that I lost a lot of it. It was just in the last year or two that I started getting some of it back when she asked for the divorce.
On to wife (to be, fiancé') number two.... We met on Match.com, due completely to the two pictures I posted. I put two pictures of myself, holding a muskie. That's it, well sort of. I of course had all the likes/ dislikes, what I was looking for etc. She sent me the messages wondering about the fish! We have been together now for over a year and a half. She KNOWs how much I fish, and expects nothing less. She loves to muskie fish right along side me. She is financially independent. We moved in together close to a year ago and will be married in August. Yes, I even got a replica of my largest muskie ordered and she is making it the focus of our living room. I never knew how much the former wife drained me financially, emotionally, and spiritually. Not intentionally, she was a good woman. But completely the opposite of my fiancé. We took our vacation last year to Lake Vermillion for the Gil Hamm, and will be there again this year on Lake of the Woods. How can I ask for more???? Love her to death, and expect to fish the rest of my life away with her. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me.....
I should thank my ex for asking for a divorce, but I am not sure she deserves a thank you since I feel it was her portion of the marriage that failed, simply because she wouldn't try..... But then, if she had, I may never have truly found myself. I may not have found my soul mate.... SO she will get a thank you, regardless of the pain she caused not only me, but our 10 year old son and her 16 year old son..... |
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Location: Muskegon Michigan | Kurt, I hope you are able to work through this. I second the part time job Idea to make a little extra for fishing. Mike |
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Location: South Central Wisconsin | My priorities have changed. Hanging it up for a few years, selling all my equipment, and marrying the girl of my dreams. I'll be back, just not sure when. My first marriage failed because of my addiction to these awesome fish. I'm not screwing this one up!
Edited by Randy 5/25/2014 11:41 AM
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