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Muskie Fishing -> General Discussion -> More FAQs? or maybe a bit of humor
 
Message Subject: More FAQs? or maybe a bit of humor
sorenson
Posted 1/27/2009 10:15 AM (#357521)
Subject: More FAQs? or maybe a bit of humor





Posts: 1764


Location: Ogden, Ut
FSF had a great idea in asking that the procedure to post pics be added to the FAQ list. Never really having an original thought of my own, I figured I could build upon his genius and come up w/some more potential questions. It would sure clear the message threads of unnecessary minutia and leave space for arguing the merits of a new tournament circuit.

Common posts for internet muskie fishing…and their correct answers

Any similarities to real persons, living or brain-dead, is purely coincidental.

Q1. What type of reel do I need?
A1. The most friggin’ expensive one you can find.

Q2. What type of rod do I need?
A2. The most friggin’ expensive one you can find.

Q3. What type of line do I need?
A3. Line? Don’t be ridiculous, you need ¼” nylon rope or cable.

Q4. What type of jerk bait is best, side to side or up and down?
A4. You need both. They are tools, you tool.

Q5. What is a better crankbait choice, jointed or solid?
A5. You need both. Tool.

Q6. What is a better choice, match the hatch, or high contrast?
A6. OK, you’re just not getting it are you? You need it ALL! Everything you can think of, at least one of each, in multiple colors. Tools, get it? You never see a competent mechanic trying to use red-handled pliers on a nut specifically requiring a blue-handled pliers do you? Of course not.

Q7. Where should I go next summer for muskies?
A7 The most friggin’ expensive place you can find. Be very disappointed if the muskies aren’t available in both size and number.

Q8. Is this fish big?
A8. No. It’s not even close to that. Come back when you’ve learned how to measure them.

Q9. How do you go about taking pictures by yourself?
A9. Go to a place where there’s no one else around and take pictures.

Q10. OK, how do I take pictures of my fish when I’m by myself?
A10. You shouldn’t take pictures, that might harm the fish so that I can’t catch it or worse, act to remind me that I actually didn’t catch it. And it wasn’t really that big.

Q11. Who gets my money if I buy an Okuma reel?
A11. You may wish to visit the Okuma site and ask that same question there.
Q11a. NO! I asked a question and I expect an answer. It’s not that Rogers guy is it? I heard one time it took him a whole 4 hours to respond to an email complaint; I’m not going to deal with that kind of lack of customer service. Now where does my money go?
A11a. Really, you should go to the source and ask the question.
Q11b. What kind of conspiracy is this anyway? Is free speech dead? I hate this place and will never post here again. But I still need my answer.
A11b. Sheesh.

Q12. What is the best book to read in order to gain some practical muskie knowledge?
A12. You need to buy the Library of Congress and read those. When you’re done, come back and we’ll quiz you.

Q13. I only have about 4 hours to fish on Saturday, where do you recommend I go?
A13. Lake X.

Q14. What size trolling motor do I need for my boat?
A14. Biggest friggin’ motor you can find. You have to use spiral cell batteries. Seven of ‘em. Wire them in a parallel series with 0 gauge wire (or just use one of your wire leaders) and a 600 amp breaker. Make use of all of the collective knowledge on these boards, then ignore it and pay attention to me alone.

Q15. Well then, what brand of trolling motor should I get?
A15. (Motorguide owners) Motorguide.
A15a. (Minnota owners) Minnkota.
A15b. (row trollers) huh?

Q16. Should I use a 9” Suick or a 10” Suick?
A16. Go big or go home. Suicks have no place in modern muskie fishing; lures need to be a minimum of 15” or 2 lbs. To be taken seriously. Wimp.

Q17. Is plastic or wood better for lures?
A17. It depends largely on which one is more expensive, but to play it safe…you need both.

Q18. What is your best advice for a person new to muskie fishing?
A18. Take out a home equity line of credit; you’ll need it.

Q19. Which is better for the muskie; a cradle or a big net?
A19. Neither; its people like you who are ruining muskie fishing by trying to actually land them. It adds to angling pressure, delayed mortality and conditions fish to being caught. You should actually just drive past them, that way they should experience fewer hardships from the act of angling. Unless it’s warm out, then avoid them all together. In fact, it’s probably the body heat generated from your mere presence that is causing the water temperature to increase, so your best bet is to just stay away. You should consider a Lepidopteron collection.

Q20. How do I fish the rather difficult conditions exhibited during turnover?
A20. Fish somewhere else, learning to adjust to difficult conditions does you no good; go after easier fish.

Q21. I’ve not had particularly good luck getting figure 8 fish to strike, what can I do to up my odds?
A21. You suck. Face it and just give up; hope the fish bite away from the boat.

Q22. Hypothetically, the person I might be fishing with wants to go to Canada, but he may or may not have gotten a DUI 17 years ago. Can we cross the border?
A22. Yeah, but you have to pay like $900 and have an “I have been to Rehab” tattoo put on his hypothetical forehead.

Q23. Do French Canadians really dislike MuskyHopeful?
A23. Unfortunately, yes.



muskydeceiver
Posted 1/27/2009 10:34 AM (#357525 - in reply to #357521)
Subject: RE: More FAQs? or maybe a bit of humor





Q21. I’ve not had particularly good luck getting figure 8 fish to strike, what can I do to up my odds?
A21. You suck. Face it and just give up; hope the fish bite away from the boat.


HAHAHAHAHAHA All Pretty good, but this one had me rolling for some reason. I take it the lakes in Utah have frozen over?
Almost-B-Good
Posted 1/27/2009 10:38 AM (#357528 - in reply to #357521)
Subject: RE: More FAQs? or maybe a bit of humor




Posts: 433


Location: Cedarburg, Wisconsin
I thought butterflies were our friends!
esoxaddict
Posted 1/27/2009 10:38 AM (#357529 - in reply to #357521)
Subject: Re: More FAQs? or maybe a bit of humor





Posts: 8808


Q24. How do I catch a muskie??
A24. You won't. You can't. You aren't good enough, you don't know enough, you haven't fished long enough, you're from the wrong state, you have the wrong kind of boat, you're using the wrong lures, and fishing them completely wrong. Only I know how to catch muskies. You must do everything exactly as I do, because I am the only one who knows how to catch them. In fact, muskies and musky fishing didn't even EXIST until I started fishing for them. I INVENTED muskie fishing. All these other guys? Don't listen to them, they don't know what they are talking about. It's all about voodoo, casting spells, potions, cosmic alignment, exact shades of just the right color, supreme analysis of solunar periods, barometric pressure. We're talking about PHD level scientific research that only a priveledged few will ever attain.

Catch a muskie? HAHAHAHA.
sworrall
Posted 1/27/2009 11:05 AM (#357532 - in reply to #357521)
Subject: Re: More FAQs? or maybe a bit of humor





Posts: 32910


Location: Rhinelander, Wisconsin
Nominated for Thread of the Year. It's early yet.
.Q9. How do you go about taking pictures by yourself?
A9. Go to a place where there’s no one else around and take pictures. '

Now that there is funny.

Fishwizard
Posted 1/27/2009 11:09 AM (#357533 - in reply to #357521)
Subject: Re: More FAQs? or maybe a bit of humor




Posts: 366


I second that motion. Brilliant stuff there.

Edited by Fishwizard 1/27/2009 11:11 AM
ski' patrol
Posted 1/27/2009 11:22 AM (#357538 - in reply to #357521)
Subject: Re: More FAQs? or maybe a bit of humor





Posts: 280


Location: McFarland
Cabin fever already? Go back out and catch some more of those mirror carp at least then you'll be getting some nice fresh air to clear the senses.
Guest
Posted 1/27/2009 11:29 AM (#357542 - in reply to #357521)
Subject: RE: More FAQs? or maybe a bit of humor


Q11. Who gets my money if I buy an Okuma reel?
A11. You may wish to visit the Okuma site and ask that same question there.
Q11a. NO! I asked a question and I expect an answer. It’s not that Rogers guy is it? I heard one time it took him a whole 4 hours to respond to an email complaint; I’m not going to deal with that kind of lack of customer service. Now where does my money go?
A11a. Really, you should go to the source and ask the question.
Q11b. What kind of conspiracy is this anyway? Is free speech dead? I hate this place and will never post here again. But I still need my answer.
A11b. Sheesh.

...

A11c. Why don't you call the source and ask me, I mean them, the question?
JimtenHaaf
Posted 1/27/2009 2:40 PM (#357588 - in reply to #357521)
Subject: Re: More FAQs? or maybe a bit of humor





Posts: 717


Location: Grand Rapids, MI
HAHAHAHAHA!!! I needed that! I especially like the parts that you need the "most expensive and biggest friggin' stuff"!!
Magruter
Posted 1/27/2009 2:53 PM (#357591 - in reply to #357521)
Subject: Re: More FAQs? or maybe a bit of humor





Posts: 1316


Location: Madison, WI
WOW! Simply one of the most amazing posts I've ever read. Good stuff, thanks.
Raider150
Posted 1/27/2009 5:28 PM (#357621 - in reply to #357591)
Subject: Re: More FAQs? or maybe a bit of humor





Posts: 434


Location: searchin for 50
The ?'s do get quite redundent don't they???????
gtp888
Posted 1/27/2009 7:31 PM (#357646 - in reply to #357532)
Subject: Re: More FAQs? or maybe a bit of humor





Location: Sun Prairie, WI

sworrall - 1/27/2009 11:05 AM Nominated for Thread of the Year. It's early yet. .Q9. How do you go about taking pictures by yourself? A9. Go to a place where there’s no one else around and take pictures. ' Now that there is funny.

Yeah, that 9th one cracked me up!!  Funny!

With apologies to the figure 8 queston...

24q. I have no luck on the figure 8...what do I do to up my odds?

24a.  To up your odds. make a figure 16. 

 

 

 



Edited by gtp888 1/27/2009 7:33 PM
MuskyHopeful
Posted 1/27/2009 7:56 PM (#357652 - in reply to #357521)
Subject: RE: More FAQs? or maybe a bit of humor





Posts: 2865


Location: Brookfield, WI
Well done, Clint, well done. But you shouldn't have mentioned French Canadians. Like me, you will now always get crappy service from rude waiters wherever you happen to dine in either Quebec or Montreal. Not to mention the musky guides there will only show you their third best spots.

Kevin

Foie Gras





muskie24/7
Posted 1/27/2009 8:02 PM (#357654 - in reply to #357646)
Subject: Re: More FAQs? or maybe a bit of humor





Posts: 909


q.24 If i'm just startin out musky fishin, whats the first thing I should get?
a. A good Freakin "Divorce Lawyer"

This is good stuff fella's!....Brian
muskie! nut
Posted 1/27/2009 8:07 PM (#357656 - in reply to #357652)
Subject: RE: More FAQs? or maybe a bit of humor





Posts: 2894


Location: Yahara River Chain
MuskyHopeful - 1/27/2009 7:56 PM

Not to mention the musky guides there will only show you their third best spots.


Yeah, but still better than any spot in IL.
Top H2O
Posted 1/27/2009 11:22 PM (#357692 - in reply to #357656)
Subject: RE: More FAQs? or maybe a bit of humor




Posts: 4080


Location: Elko - Lake Vermilion
WOW,
That was halairious.... Thanks Sorno

Jerome
tuffy1
Posted 1/28/2009 2:48 PM (#357818 - in reply to #357692)
Subject: RE: More FAQs? or maybe a bit of humor





Posts: 3242


Location: Racine, Wi
LOLOLOL. Man, you must have made some good home brew before writing that.

Great stuff Sorno!!!
Cowboyhannah
Posted 1/28/2009 3:34 PM (#357822 - in reply to #357521)
Subject: Re: More FAQs? or maybe a bit of humor





Posts: 1459


Location: Kronenwetter, WI
Okay--I only made it until Q14 b-4 I started laughing out loud and caused my office mates to begin to suspect me of up-to-no-good type stuff...should publish it
Schuler
Posted 1/28/2009 9:31 PM (#357883 - in reply to #357521)
Subject: Re: More FAQs? or maybe a bit of humor





Posts: 1462


Location: Davenport, IA
Q: What size reel should I use?
A: use the winch off your trailer...if you can't palm that you're not a man. The winches will last me a good 2 months. Anything else will be destroyed in 3 hours of hard fishing.
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