|
|
Posts: 3240
Location: Racine, Wi | I know alot of you boys are married, and I am wondering how it is you can mix time on the water (as much as possible) and wife time (as much as needed to keep her happy  ) I know that family is more important than fishing (why, I'm not sure ) but I just had the "talk" with the bride to be last night of fishing too much last season. I personally don't think I did as much as in the past, but with the new job, the patterns have changed. What is some advice you seasoned vetrans can give this poor lad. I don't want to start the married life on the wrong foot.
Thanks!!!!!
good lungen,
Joel |
|
| |
|
Posts: 1310
Location: Washington, PA | Run like hell.
Just kidding
kinda |
|
| |
|
| Ah yes, the age old question. There are no set rules but like musky fishing it is more about instinct. It is as much about knowing when not to even ask as it is about when to go. My best advice is to curb way back on other forms of entertainment like a bar night out with the boys or golfing so your free time can be spent doing something you really love. I would say that on the times your wife really objects to stay home and pick your battles.You can try getting her more into the sport but it didn't work for me and to be honest sometimes I need to get out of the house solo. It will work out-just wait until the little ones come and get back to me then for a totally new set of rules. Congratulations on your marriage and best wishes. hj |
|
| |
|
Posts: 1769
Location: Algonquin, ILL | Joel, When's the big day?
Take her with you but remember many times the spouse will out fish you.
On a side note Hewitt called me yesterday looking to set up a face to face interview when that happens I will contact you maybe we could meet for lunch
Edited by JohnMD 1/7/2004 8:29 AM
|
|
| |
|
Posts: 654
Location: MPLS, MN | For me, I shorten my trips and get out early. I try to leave on the weekends about 5 am and try to get back home by 10-11 am or so in time to make lunch and hang with the family the rest of the day. |
|
| |
|
Posts: 41
| I had the same talk with my wife. She even went with me a few times. Now I'm divorced. Hard to comprimise what really makes you happy in life. Lots of fish in the sea! I agree run like hell. |
|
| |
|
Posts: 670
Location: Minnetonka , MN. | I had to give up fishing for 14 years . Then started back slow. GOOD LUCK |
|
| |
|
Posts: 1916
Location: Greenfield, WI | 1) Stategically, pick your times to fish. If your bride-to-be likes sleeping-in on weekends, start fishing at 3 or 4 AM and come off the water in time to get back home before noon.
2) If she is a sun worshipper, keep a comfortable place for her to stretch out in the boat.
3) When she does go along, keep her comfort in mind at all times. If it is
cold, scorching hot, or wet, make sure that she has the best clothes available. If she isn't a fisherman, or one to the degree that you are, Break the trip up into smaller periods of time. Take breaks, go in for lunch, pack a cooler for refreshments for her, let her pick a place for you to take her out for supper after you are done fishing.
4) Plan get aways with "something in it for her". If you are fishing near Minneapolis, promise and follow through with a stop at Mall of America! Then you can swing on down to Cabela's afterwards with her. Give and take!
5) Most importantly, work at your time with her with all or more of the intensity that you do for your time for you. If she is so inclinded, go to the rummage sales, the craft and candle stores, without objections or complaining. You will be amazed with the benefits to you from just these few little considerations.
I have been blessed to be married to the same awesome woman for going on 28 years. That doesn't happen by accident! Good....no....great luck!!!
Edited by Steve Van Lieshout 1/7/2004 8:39 AM
|
|
| |
|
Posts: 3240
Location: Racine, Wi | John, the big day is April 3rd, so it is fast approaching.
Drop me a line if you want to meet up. Good to hear they called.
I do get the wife to be in the boat from time to time, as she likes to get out on the water. She even boated her first 2 muskies this year! (43, 36). I definitely can do the 4:30 am to 10 or 11, but what about the night bite?  I would definitely give up the night life if needed, as I don't go out quite as much as before.
What kind of shoes are best when I start running?
|
|
| |
|
Posts: 7036
Location: Northwest Chicago Burbs | My only bit of advice, though my married life was shorter than most (only Britney has me beat, lucky her, she got off with an annullment!), would be to curb your OTHER forms of entertainment and focus soley on muskies. Try to make her see that at least if you're fishing then you're not out sitting at a bar, playing poker, etc. etc.. Just a thought. |
|
| |
|
Posts: 7036
Location: Northwest Chicago Burbs | Actually, disregard ANYTHING I said above, I would probably be better suited to give varmint hunting advice....though I have never gone. |
|
| |
|
Location: Minneapolis, MN | Take her out with you to a lake where you know you can get her a fish. After she boats her first fish you may have a new partner. My wife loves to go fishing with me. |
|
| |
|
Location: Pewaukee, WI | If it's your hobby she will never get in the way.........
I think the trick is to make the most of the time when you are together, then when you are not it isn't such a big deal...
I learned that the hard way........don't make her compete with a fish and you can go all you want....if not.....giver half of everything now
Edited by esoxb8r 1/7/2004 9:00 AM
|
|
| |
|
Posts: 3518
Location: north central wisconsin | I got married last summer to a woman who really understandsmy fishing(i think). I fished over 35 hours per week the whole time we dated(8 years), and cut it back to about 30 now that we are married. The difference is I take a night or two a week and really concentrate on making her happy(usually consists of either some sort of foot or back rubbing, or some sort of meal either out or my cooking). I often do some sort of work around the house that she'll notice on the days I fish so she'll see the nice clean rain gutters, or trimmed hedge and forget I've been gone for 7 hours. I also like to leave a nice note or tow around the house telling her the romantic interludes we'll indulge in upon my return. That usually buys me a couple extra hours which really helps in summer when things decide to turn on adfter dark. My wife also fishes with my about 12-16 hours per week, so that usually allows me an extra 20 or so on my own in compensatory 'guy time fishing'. Really though, both of you need to realize you are a musky fisherman, and will not be happy unless you get your fix. She needs to realize the kind of person you'll be if you don't get to go enough, and you need to realize the kind of person she'll be if you go too much. If she is like my wife, she'll be shoving you out the door more times than not so you quit complaining that 'the storm is coming in and you are missing the hot surface bite'. |
|
| |
|
Posts: 2691
Location: Pewaukee, Wisconsin | Joel, I can feel your pain. I just had the talk of all talks with my wife and kids about the year to come.
I know last year was hard on them with all the tournaments and guideing I did. They also knew I was trying to win "masters division" in our muskies inc org. I fished more last year than ever and it took a toll on the family. Take care of buisness at home and fishing will be more fun. I know this year I am going to cut back somehow. This years calender is empty and I will sit down with the wife and kids to go over the dates. If we do this as a family, it should be easer on us all. Good luck to you !!!
The best advice I can give you is:
Take her fishing as much as possible on days with good odds of boating fish.
Get out a calender and mark all the days you "need" off for fishing.
Also mark in a different color the days you would "like" to fish (Prime moon phases, vacations or boys night out)
Let her catch more fish than you and always give up the big fish to her some how. Take pictures of her fish and blow up the big one to leave around the house.
Spoil her as fishing season is getting near.
|
|
| |
|
Posts: 1996
Location: Pelican Lake/Three Lakes Chain | You may be surprised at how willing your wife-to-be will be when it comes to your fishing. They would much rather have you spend it on a lake than in a tavern or some other less wholesome environment.
My wife knew going in that the last thing I would give up was my time on the water. I still manage five days a week on the water after almost seven years of marriage. What I did give up were my all day trips on Saturday and Sunday. I now get out in the early afternoon on weekends after taking care of all the things she deems as more important than chasing muskies.
I try to get her out as often as she likes and then tailor the trip to her. It is usually a numbers lake with a nice supper club nearby. Of course all bets are off if you decide to have little uns. |
|
| |
|
Posts: 87
Location: Wauwatosa, WI | I agree with Mike, I use the same tactics and it works for me, although I work it a little more durning the winter since I don't ice fish.
Bob Ryan |
|
| |
|
Posts: 4520
Location: Chippewa Falls Wisconsin | I got to put more days on the water when I got married.....I now had someone to do my laundry...LOL
BUT...........When I got kids that put a damper in it and rightfully so.
This is from my on the water files going back to 1993.
Was not Married..avg. 195 days
Married..avg. 225 days (four years straight)
Married with a young child..avg.. 175 days
Married with two children..avg.. 100 days
It only gets worse! |
|
| |
|
Posts: 1769
Location: Algonquin, ILL | Joel: It may be karma or something like that but my wedding aniversary is also April 3 just many many moons ago and I have no problems going fishing just as long as the honey do list is taken care of and don't let her find out how much you really spend on equipment
Edited by JohnMD 1/7/2004 9:40 AM
|
|
| |
|
Posts: 1916
Location: Greenfield, WI | Contrary to that what may be assumed, the entry of kids into the picture doesn't need to be the start of the end. Both of my kids had infant life jackets within the first week of being born. They both started fishing by the time that they were four years old. A family favorite activity was loading up a cooler with a picnic supper and snacks, on a Sunday afternoon. We would be coming on to a lake about the time that most everyone else was leaving. We would do a tour of the lake's swimming rafts, with worms and bobbers, to catch the ever present panfish population. The kids would fish off the front of my Tuffy, my wife would stretch out on the back deck with a book and a beverage. When it was supper time, as they ate I would fish for muskies, plus maybe the last 15 minutes of the trip.
From experience, pretzels are the snack of choice over any snack made with cheese for ease of cleaning the carpet. After a soft drink is spilled, which will always happen, pour lake water over the spilled area to reduce the spill's attraction to flies and bees.
This can be a very special time. Let the morale of the family dictate the
the duration of trip rather than a clock time which you may have in mind.
In the long run, this will provide you your serious muskie time as a result of taking care of the important things first!
Warning!!!Don't ever, ever try to keep score! You will lose every time.
Edited by Steve Van Lieshout 1/7/2004 10:22 AM
|
|
| |
|
Posts: 2691
Location: Pewaukee, Wisconsin | Young kids have a short attention span, a game boy is a toy from the gods when fishing is slow.
My kids go fishing with me at least once a week. Now that they are getting bigger its harder to get them to go. Friends, sports and other things are comming into play. NOT dateing yet---thank god---I am not ready for that yet.
11 and 14 is my kids ages... I will enjoy every time out.....You can't rewind the past.....don't miss out, take your kids out every chance you get. Like Shep.....Your kids are spoiled...Good job !!!
Joel, you think its hard to get out now...wait till you have a couple rug rats !!! |
|
| |
|
Posts: 3240
Location: Racine, Wi | Okay, so some of the things I am learning are:
1 Sit down and plan trips that are planable in advance
2 Foot rubs are good
3 Need to get off but and go to the Farts and Crap shows (arts and craft)
4 Do lots of work during off fishing times, to get green light for fishing.
5 John MD and I should buy lottery tickets togeather.
6 Go fishing for a few hours after work, and while she's working to maximize wifey time.
7 Get her on the water, and have her boat more muskies than me. (ouch)
How'm I doing?
|
|
| |
|
| One thing I wanted to add. I am a much better husband and father when I get out and fish at least once a week. Fact is, I can become a bit surly if I am kept home too long so absolutely get out when you are felling this way. It is in her best interest. (This excuse has worked for me in the past so I give it to you my musky brother) |
|
| |
|
Posts: 1137
Location: Holly, MI | Boy! Nice training Reef Hawg. That should be in every musky fishing manual. Fish a zillion hours a week when you are dating. This is the time when you can do no wrong. Get them used to the idea that you fish alot.
I always called the wifes days or evenings off with her firends (me home with the kids) "building equity"
You can try the trump card of needing it for sanity. If you use this don't forget to come home very stressed out from work.
When the kids are old enough to fish it is a good excuse "I wnat to take them" Good because you really do want them to catch fish and how can she say no.
The romantic notes around the house mentioned earlier are worth their weight in Gold.
Don't worry about your fishing buddy messing with you and stop to call from on the lake to say you were just thinking about her. DO NOT say that the huge slob of a fish reminded you of her as she swam away! |
|
| |
|
Posts: 1769
Location: Algonquin, ILL | You may want to become real good buds with her Dad or brothers and take them fishing as well, just a few extra brownie points
|
|
| |
|
Posts: 3240
Location: Racine, Wi | The cool thing about that John, is that her parents own a resort on the Flambeau Chain, so I am up there all the time. She is somewhat accustom to the lifestyle, but may need to adapt. I do get out with her dad and brother, not to mention uncles from time to time. I am actually fishing with her brother in tournaments this year. Maybe that will help. " Honey, I am fishing with your brother to get closer to the family"
|
|
| |
|
Posts: 87
Location: michigan | Joel, I've been married for 10yrs. now. I go fishing and hunting whenever I want, sometimes weeks at a time. I don't spend time in the bars or other places where I can be tempted to get into trouble. My wife likes to fish once in a while, but refuses to muskie fish, she has her hobbies that I don't care to do( farts & crafts). She knew how much I fished and hunted before we got married and I explained that there are a few things that could be compromised but these two were sacred. Some people would say that If I really loved her that I would be willing to change, The truth of the matter is that if she wanted to marry me for the person I am (not the person she thought she could change me into) then why should I change to prove my love? If you are not happy with giving up fishing now that anger will build and you will blame her for it. In ten years I can count on one hand the arguements we have had( none of them serious and none about hunting or fishing ). To sum up this long winded post, MARRY EACH OTHER FOR WHO YOU ARE TODAY, AND ONLY COMPROMISE ON THE EVENTS THAT HAPPEN AFTER THE MARRIAGE (IE; kids, which will change things a little). p.s. The wife is reading this as I am writing it. Marriage is great with the right person. Good luck Frank. |
|
| |
|
Posts: 617
Location: Clintonville, WI | Joel,
I'm sure you knew it was only a matter of time before I'd get a hold of this one. I've got to chime in given my life with wife and an army of four
My initial reaction was "T1, don't have kids!!!!" But that is not a fair statement (was fun to say though). Jason Smith and SVL are both right in that kids will likely cut your days on the water, especially when they are young. Plan accordingly. SVL has it right also, though. I'm already brainwashing my kids to the point that when they are in the car with my wife, they start chanting "get a boat, get a boat, get a boat" when driving by all the water up here. They'll be fishing with me ASAP. Also, I make them keenly aware of what a big fish is and they always want to see musky photos of my trips....."Did you get a biiiig musky, Dad?" (No, son, but everyone else did :-))
The wife's resort influence, fishing with her family members, and the fact that you have already discussed the situation at length will only help your cause. Another thing to consider.....move closer to better water. After uprooting my wife and kids in '02 "for my career", I spent less days, but MORE HOURS on the water and caught more/bigger fish than any year prior. A few hours on the water become more productive and long trips can be cut shorter due to less travel time.
Finally, either learn a trade skill or learn how to buy jewelry. A few hours working on the homestead or a custom designed/made bauble for the Mrs. will go a long way to time on the water. |
|
| |
|
Posts: 617
Location: Clintonville, WI | Oh, yeah.....and what Captain Frank said, too.
WOW. That was impressive/admirable. |
|
| |
|
Posts: 921
| I am still single, so take this for what it is worth ...make sure your wife or girlfriend HAS some friends. (Sisters, cousins, etc. count too). Not just 1 or 2 though. More than a couple and you should be safe.
You are f'd if they don't. I have a couple buddies whose wives don't have squat for friends. These guys are not allowed to leave the house. Because their wives will have to be alone since they don't have a friend to call up.
I do not fish nearly the hours alot of you guys do. But, the way I look at it, time fishing or with my friends, allows her to be with her friends.
NO FRIENDS = NO FISHING
If you are her only friend, you are in trouble.
|
|
| |
|
| I find four horses to have the same effect as four girlfriends...
Edited by ddfenner 1/7/2004 4:50 PM
|
|
| |
|
Posts: 1046
| There is only 2 things that you have to do the rest of your life to get ALL the fishing and hunting you want!
#1-Always complete your honey do list!
#2-And most important! Be the absolute best you can be at your HUSBANDLY DUTIES, If you get my drift!Its worked for me for 21 years and I spend over 200 days a year hunt`in an fish`in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Best of luck! Handy |
|
| |
|
Posts: 1430
Location: Eastern Ontario | The one thing I can ad is to make sure she understands your passion about fishing and that she will not be able to take it away from you. It is better for her to find out now before then after. I have a great wife but I still needed to start guiding to warrent getting out more then once or twice a week, now I can fish 5 days a week and sometimes weeks at a time and it's my job. I say earning your brownie points are very important, that is how I get to go away and fish for a few days after the river is frozen here without a wisper from her. |
|
| |
|
Posts: 20214
Location: oswego, il | Tuffy, I am sorry for your recent decision. You and your family will be in our thoughts and prayers. You will be missed... |
|
| |
|
Posts: 3240
Location: Racine, Wi | I didn't realize that there is soooo much to consider. Thankfully she has friends, that is a bonus. I do need to move closer to some good water as it can be part of the time constraint. That will come. I did tell her tonight that we will have to figure out this fiasco, as neither of us want to be miserable. That I know won't happen. I guess I will have to suck it up and start checking out the local ballets. Thanks for all of the thoughts, and also your prayers ToddM. You guys can all come to the reception now. It will be a riot!!!!
Good Lungen, and see you at the shows
Joel |
|
| |
|
Posts: 41
| I'm happy for all of you that are able to have it work out and Juggle it. I think I prefer the single way, but never say never. Here's the key(s)
1) Get a dog, they are loyal! Plus is your wife going to jump in 35 degree water and fetch a duck! If she will I want to meet her and I will marry her.
2) Stick with a girlfriend, they can easily be exchanged and cheaper at that.
3) Beer! Unlike a girlfriend or wife you can have many and the others you've had are not jeolous of the rest!
4) Not being tied to someone it allows you to persue other pleasures as well; you can spend the time off the water chasing other game or working on your gear or other projects. All this without the hassles of "When you gonna take me out, When you gonna Blah, Blah, Blah!"
5) Did I mention Beer?
lol
Works for me! |
|
| |
|
Posts: 626
Location: ashtabula ohio | musky midgets got it right on. my best buddys wife has no friends and i never see the guy... sadness. me , never married. i like my freedom. i agree, get some nikes...lol. |
|
| |
Getting Married!! Need Help!!!!!!!!!